Halloween, the spookiest time of year is almost upon us. The trick-or-treating, pumpkin carving, and horror movie marathons are heading our way. BUT… It’s an absolute must to be armed with the very best Halloween jokes & Dad Jokes to go with all the festivities too! We’ve pulled together give you 120 of the very best that will have you laughing out loud from now until Halloween!
>> Looking for jokes about vampires, goblins, ghosts, skeletons, zombies, pumpkins, or witches? The very best on offer are below plus Halloween puns, dad jokes (and mummy (as in, ‘mummy’) jokes!), and some good old knock knock jokes too. Enjoy!
Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes
- What did the ghost say when he realized he’d been cheated? I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!
- Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
- Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
- What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
- Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
- Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
- Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
- What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
- Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream!
- Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
- How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
- How do you know you’ve been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn’t text you back.
- What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
- How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
- Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit!
Funny Mummy Jokes
- Who did the little monster ask for when he was scared? His mummy.
- What did the mummy film director say? That’s a wrap.
- Why did the mummy TP the tree? He needed somewhere to hang his clothes so he could go skinny dipping.
- Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
- What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?Wrap music.
- Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
- What’s a mummy’s favorite thing about Christmas? The wrapping paper.
- What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling
- What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
- Do mummies prefer white bread or wheat? Neither, they always prefer a wrap.
Funny Vampire Jokes
- Why are vampires easily fooled? They’re suckers.
- Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
- How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
- What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
- What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?Frostbite.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
- Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
- Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
- Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
- What does the vampire’s Valentine say? You’re just my blood type.
Funny Skeleton Jokes
- What did the skeleton say to the dog? Bone-appétit
- Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
- Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
- What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
- What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
- Do you know any skeleton jokes? Yes, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite song? “Bad to the Bone.”
- Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
- What kind of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
- What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A trom-bone.
Funny Witch Jokes
- What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
- What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
- What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates!
- What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
- What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom!
- What’s a witch’s favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
- How does a witch style her hair? With scare spray.
- What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don’t know, but it’s not working.
- What’s the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
- How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
- Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
Funny Pumpkin Jokes
- Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre? Pulp fiction.
- Why did the pumpkin take a detour? To avoid a seedy part of town.
- How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
- What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
- Why was the gourd so gossipy? To give ’em pumpkin to talk about.
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
- Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
- What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite Western? The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly
- Where does a pumpkin preach? From the pulp-it.
- Why did the jack-o-lantern fail out of school? Someone scooped his brains out.
- What is a zombie sleepover called? Mass grave.
Halloween Dad Jokes
- Did you hear about the coffin sale? That’s the last thing I need.
- What do you call a cow on Halloween? A boo-vine.
- What’s a monster’s favorite cheese? Muenster.
- Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
- How do mummies start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
- Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
- How do you get rid of demons? Exorcise a lot.
- I dropped my pumpkin yesterday. Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!
- Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo.
- I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
- Why don’t I like Dracula? He’s a pain in the neck.
- How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb? I don’t know but you really shouldn’t be in the dark with a cannibal.
- What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It’s good for business.
- Who’s the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
- Why don’t werewolves ever know the time? Because they’re not whenwolves.
- Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie? Because it had great plots.
- What was the chicken ghost’s name? Poultrygeist.
- What type of plants do well on All Hallow’s Eve? Bam-BOO!
- What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy corneas.
Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you’ll never guess!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bob. Bob who? Bob for apples! It’s Halloween.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana eat all your candy.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Boo! Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s only Halloween.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ivana! Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad it’s Halloween?
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Figs! Figs who? Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ice cream! Ice Cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Eddie! Eddie who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
