Let’s face it: family holidays are magical… until you’ve been in the car for more than 37 minutes. That’s when it hits. The dreaded chant from the backseat:
“Are we nearly there yet?”
“How much longer?”
“I’m bored!”
Fear not, fellow dads. We’ve compiled the ultimate weapon to fight off the whingeing, moaning, and passive-aggressive sighing: Dad jokes. 50 of them. Holiday-themed, groan-worthy, and guaranteed to keep the kids distracted, if only because they’re too busy rolling their eyes.
So buckle up, start your engine, and let the laughter (and cringing) begin.
🚗 Road Trip Rippers
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Why don’t cars play football?
Because they only know how to kick-start. -
What did the tyre say to the car?
“I wheel-y like you!” -
What do you call a car that never stops telling jokes?
A pun-derful ride. -
Why did the satnav break up with the car?
It felt like they were going in different directions. -
What’s a car’s favourite karaoke song?
“Highway to the Dad Zone.”
🏖️ Beachy Banter
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels! -
What did one beach say to the other?
Nothing – they just waved. -
What’s a crab’s favourite way to travel?
On the shell-ter bus. -
Why did the sun go to school?
To get a little brighter! -
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fshhh.
🧳 Packing Puns
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Why did dad pack a ladder for the holiday?
Because he heard the trip was going to be up there. -
What do you call it when your suitcase makes a run for it?
Luggage on the loose! -
Why didn’t the belt go on holiday?
It didn’t want to hold anyone back. -
What do you call a suitcase full of snacks?
A carry-on munchie-case. -
Why did the flip-flop apply for a job?
It wanted to toe the line.
✈️ Airport Antics
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Why don’t pilots ever get lost?
Because they always wing it. -
What do you call an airplane full of dads?
A groan jet. -
Why did dad sit next to the engine on the plane?
He wanted to catch some turbulence for the full experience. -
What’s a pilot’s least favourite question from a kid?
“Are we flying yet?” -
Why did the suitcase get arrested at security?
It had a baggage claim.
⛰️ Adventure Amusements
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Why don’t mountains get cold?
Because they wear snowcaps. -
What’s a hiker’s favourite type of music?
Rock ‘n’ roll. -
Why did the GPS take up hiking?
It lost its sense of direction. -
What do you call a cow on a mountain holiday?
Moo-tain climber. -
Why don’t tents ever get into arguments?
Because they always campromise.
🍦 Ice Cream Interludes
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Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the rocky road. -
What’s a dad’s favourite ice cream flavour on holiday?
Vanilla… because it’s plane and simple. -
Why don’t ice creams like the beach?
Because they melt under pressure. -
What do you call a sneaky dessert?
A coney artist. -
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it (not holiday related, but still gold).
🔁 Are We Nearly There Yet?
-
“Are we nearly there yet?”
No, but we’re nearly somewhere else! -
“How long now?”
About the same as last time you asked… 3 minutes ago. -
“I’m bored.”
Hi Bored, I’m Dad. -
“My legs hurt.”
That’s because they’re tired from all that moaning. -
“Can we stop soon?”
Only if I can tell five more jokes.
🧼 Classic Dad Gold (just because)
-
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y. -
I used to play piano by ear…
But now I use my hands. -
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised. -
Want to hear a construction joke?
I’m still working on it. -
I told the kids I invented a new word:
Plagiarism.
🎯 Final Stretch Chuckles
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Why do bananas never feel lonely on holiday?
Because they come in bunches. -
What do you call a sheep with no legs on the beach?
A cloud. -
Why do dads love holiday photos?
Because finally, someone’s smiling at their jokes. -
Why didn’t the skeleton go on holiday?
He didn’t have the guts. -
What do you call it when dad falls asleep with sunglasses on?
A shade nap. -
Why do holidays always go by so fast?
Because time flies when you’re not working. -
What do tired parents need most on holiday?
A napkin. One nap, please. -
Why did Dad wear socks with sandals?
Fashion sense? No. Dad sense? Absolutely. -
What’s the best way to end a long drive?
With desserted roads. -
Final one: Why did Dad bring a pun book on holiday?
To drive everyone crazy, of course.
So next time the “are we nearly there yet?” starts up, arm yourself with this list. They may roll their eyes now… but deep down, they’ll be laughing (eventually… maybe… probably not).
Either way, you’ll be entertained. And isn’t that what holidays are all about?
