By Michael Glover
I will start somewhere near the beginning.
My wife and I met some 15 years ago and never knew where our journey would take us, not that anyone really does.
We met in my home town of Northampton, UK. We fell in love and moved in together. My wife wanted to pursue her doctorate in Educational Psychology, and, of course, I said, “No problem.” We moved to Nottingham, and I got another job. After 4 years together we got engaged.
Towards the end of her course she found something that no one ever wants to find: a lump in her right breast. We were told that, as she was only 29 years old, it was probably a cyst. She went for tests anyway, and then the news came.
It was stage 3 cancer that was oestrogen receptive (this means the more oestrogen she has, the worse the cancer could be). She started all the treatments: chemo, radio and a lumpectomy to remove all the cancerous cells and the lump itself; she was also placed on anti-oestrogen medication for 10 years.
As I’m sure you can tell, this all took its toll on my wife (I need to add here that she was also planning our wedding, finishing her doctorate, and moving closer to her parents near Birmingham). We were told by the doctors that the chemo had probably negatively impacted her eggs and that the chances of getting naturally pregnant were slim.
All of this took a heavy price on our relationship, because I couldn’t accept or believe that the woman of my dreams might not be here any more. I became distant and disinterested; I didn’t mean to, but I buried myself in my work and almost pretended like nothing was happening. This nearly broke us. We went to many counselling sessions and worked it out – I made her a promise on that day that neither work nor anything else would come between us again, and I have kept that promise.
After the wedding and a few years of treatment, we decided to try for a child, as we wanted this more than anything. This meant my wife took a big risk and came off the anti-oestrogen treatment, so it was not in her system (as it can cause problems with the baby). We applied for fertility treatment and also started to try to conceive naturally.
Three months went by and nothing; we hadn’t heard from the fertility people and were not conceiving either. We were running out of time because she needed to get back on the medication.
Then it happened.
I took a call from my wife whilst I was at work. She told me she had done around 6 tests, and we were PREGNANT. I left work to give her a squeeze, and we had a letter waiting for us at home! It was from the fertility people saying we had been accepted for the treatment.
We took great, great pleasure in calling them up to say we didn’t need it and that they could offer it to someone else.
Nine months later my little fireball of a daughter arrived and changed our lives forever.
As a final word to all people reading this who may be going through something similar, be there for your partners; you have to be; they will need you. Be their light, their rock; cry with them; hold them; tell them it will be ok. Support them in their hour of need, but most importantly – don’t give up hope.
