Screen Time: 27 Hilarious Tweets From Honest Parents About Screen Time

Me, to all my kids before the age of 2.

"No screens allowed."

On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad.

"This is your mother now."

— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) October 23, 2015

My kids made cardboard computers: I'm glad they're so imaginative and equally disturbed that even their creative play involves screen time.

— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) April 21, 2017

Sure, I could parent without screen time. I could also churn my own butter, but let's not get crazy here.

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 3, 2017

Pediatrician: They're only getting two hours of screen time a day, right?

Me: HAHAHAHA! I mean, yes.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) May 5, 2017

School: We're hosting a book fair to encourage more reading/less screen time
Me: What book did you pick?
7: Super Mario Skill Book
Me: Right

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 25, 2017

Took my son to the eye doctor & was asked “how much screen time do you allow?”

Liar level: EXPERT

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 9, 2018

The cat keeps stepping on the surge protector switch and shutting off the television.

My cat is better at enforcing screen time limits than I am.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 29, 2018

Spend a few weeks with your kids making and distributing slime all over your house and you'll think, "screen time isn't so bad."

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 12, 2017

Daytime parenting: strict screen time limits. 1hr only. Child must earn it.

5am parenting (hands 4yo iPad): take this so I can sleep.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) August 22, 2018

“No iPad. You guys have had plenty of screen time today!” she shouts, without looking up from her phone.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 29, 2018

"Well, if you don't, I'll take away your screen time."

– my family motto

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 10, 2017

Spend a few weeks with your kids making and distributing slime all over your house and you'll think, "screen time isn't so bad."

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 12, 2017

You don't let your kids have screen time? That's cool. Tell me some other ways you enjoy punishing yourself.

— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 10, 2017

What does it mean that every time I ask my daughter what the best part of her day was, she says “screen time”?

— Rachel Simmons (@RachelJSimmons) May 18, 2016

I can give Holden screen time and listen to Caillou whining. Or I can say no screen time and listen to Holden whining. #parenting

— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) October 11, 2017

Yeah, I could restrict my kids' screen time, sure, but I just don't want to be the kind of parent who *limits* her children, ya know? Right, yeah, I want them to feel limitless, that's all…

— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) June 29, 2018

Are we all done pretending we try to limit screen time?

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) September 22, 2016

I'm at my most hypocritical when telling my kids they've had enough screen time

— The Dad (@thedad) August 18, 2018

Me (taking away Ipad): "Too much screen time makes people stupid."

5yo: "Four plus four is eight!"

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) December 22, 2016

Random dad: Do you limit your kids' screen time?

Me: I gave up.

Him: Why?

Me: It increased their scream time.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2016

Me: (limits screen time)

[5 minutes later]

6: (gets a concussion)
Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018

1st kid: No screen time except one hour of sesame street.
By the 3rd kid: Let's schedule in some eye contact time with mom tonight ok?

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 29, 2016

Me: (limits screen time)

[5 minutes later]

6: (gets a concussion)
Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018

Me, to other parents: We try to limit screentime to two hours a day at most.

Me, to my toddler: Here’s my Netflix password, don’t wake me before noon.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 12, 2018

Punished the kids* by taking away screen time.

*myself

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 1, 2016