Is your internal self-talk helping or hindering?
Most of us feel like life is happening at us. Work pressure. Constant tiredness. The mental load of being a good dad, partner, and professional — often all at once. And yes, external stuff matters. Some days are genuinely hard.
But there’s another factor shaping how those days actually feel: the voice in your head running the commentary.
Think of self-talk as the internal soundtrack to your life. Two men can have the same day — same deadlines, same toddler meltdown, same traffic — and experience it very differently. One ends the day flat and frustrated. The other is tired, but still okay. The difference isn’t the day. It’s the story being told about it.
Our brains don’t just report what’s happening; they interpret it. Fast. Automatically. Often harshly. For many men, that inner voice is more drill sergeant than coach — pushing for more, pointing out every miss, never quite satisfied. It keeps you moving, but it also keeps you tense, reactive, and worn down.
Life will always throw ‘weather’ at you. You don’t get to control that. But your self-talk is the climate you live in. And when that internal climate is harsh, even small issues feel heavier than they need to.
This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine or forcing positivity. It’s about being accurate. Telling yourself what’s true, not just what’s loud.
Because your thoughts aren’t facts. They’re habits. And habits can be changed.
Change the story, and you don’t change the world, but you do change how it feels to live in it.
A Quick Reset (2 Minutes)
Next time you feel the pressure rising:
- Catch the commentary
‘What am I actually saying to myself right now?’ Slow that down, listen carefully; turn off the automatic repeat. - Check it for accuracy
‘Is what I’m thinking, true?’; ‘Is it helpful?’; ‘What is this warning me about, how is this trying to help me?’ - Rephrase it like a clear-sighted and kind human being
‘How would I say this to someone I care about?’ ‘How would I say this in a more accurate and helpful way?’ When you change the tone, volume and words, it changes how you feel – straight away! - What action should I take? Decide to take some simple actions – that changes worry into something to do – which is the first step in solving problems and finding new ways forward.
You don’t need perfect thinking, just thinking that’s more honest — and more helpful. Top tip – Don’t believe everything you think; take control of your thoughts!
Exclusive offer to Dadsnet subscribers:
Michael and Alan are offering a free, 30-minute one to one coaching session if you are ‘worrying about things out of your control’ or indeed worried about anything!
To secure your session, email [email protected] .
Meanwhile, here’s a link to some short, engaging videos that may help with handling life’s challenges.
https://www.two-gen.com/#videos
Michael Fryer and Alan Found are vastly experienced management/leadership consultants; to find out more about them and their work, visit www.two-gen.com
