It is usually the breathing you notice first. Quick and high in the chest, a hand pressed flat against the ribs, and a teenager who was fine ten minutes ago telling you they cannot get enough air. Sometimes they are sure something is wrong with their heart. Sometimes they just say “I can’t” over and over, and you stand in the doorway with no idea what to do with your hands.
Parents write about this on Mumsnet all the time, often typing from the kitchen while someone else sits with the kid. And this week Netmums ran a piece with psychotherapist Becky Goddard-Hill on what to actually say in the moment, which is the bit most of us get wrong.
In my day (I know, I know) nobody said panic attack at home. You were “in a state”, somebody put the kettle on, and that was the end of it. We can do a bit better now.
What a panic attack can feel like
The NHS describes a sudden rush of intense physical and mental symptoms: a racing heart, sweating, shaking, dizziness, chest pain, shortness of breath, a choking feeling, pins and needles, and sometimes a real sense of dread. Most attacks last somewhere between 5 and 20 minutes. Goddard-Hill points out they can come during stress, grief or anxiety, or apparently out of nowhere.
The NHS is clear that panic attacks are frightening but not dangerous, and will not cause physical harm. It also says many of those symptoms can have other causes. I manage a pharmacy in Oadby, and a racing heart has more possible explanations than most people would guess. So if it is the first time, or you are not sure what you are looking at, get it checked. The NHS says a child with signs of panic disorder should see a GP, who will rule out physical causes first. If you are unsure in the moment, ring 111, and if it looks like an emergency, ring 999.
For context, the World Health Organization estimates that worldwide about 4.1% of 10 to 14 year olds and 5.3% of 15 to 19 year olds have an anxiety disorder. One panic attack is not a diagnosis, though.
What to say and do in the moment
This is where Goddard-Hill’s advice earns its keep, because most of it is about what comes out of your mouth.
Her starting point is you. Teenagers pick up on the emotional cues around them, she says, so a parent who looks panicked can make the panic worse. Slow yourself down first. Sit, if you can. Lower your voice.
Then tell them it will pass. Something like “I know this feels frightening, but it will pass.” She describes a teenager who found that reminder genuinely calming, because in the middle of it the feeling seems endless. YoungMinds uses the picture of a wave that builds, peaks, breaks and gets smaller while you sit with them.
Ask whether they want you there. Some teens are frightened of being alone. Others find a hovering parent mortifying. Goddard-Hill suggests simply asking whether they would like you to stay or would like some space. If they are too wound up to answer, stay nearby, keep calm and let them know you are not going anywhere.
Breathe with them, not at them. Her suggestion is to breathe together, in gently through the nose for three, out slowly through the mouth for four, with you counting in a calm voice. YoungMinds has a version for anyone who loses count: trace slowly up and down each finger of one hand, breathing in on the way up and out on the way down.
Try music. Goddard-Hill suggests asking if they would like some on, ideally something they already know well, so the mind has somewhere else to go and nobody has to talk. She also suggests making a calm playlist in advance. I am reliably informed by Rohan that if a parent names it, it will never be used, so let them call it what they like.
Grounding helps some kids. YoungMinds describes working through the senses: five things they can see, four they can touch, three they can hear, two they can smell, one they can taste. On Mumsnet that exercise comes up again and again, along with counting the windows or being quizzed on times tables. One mum said her son’s big brother dared him to down a small can of cold lemonade and it seemed to flip a switch. Not in any official guide I know of. Sometimes the oddest one works.
And say the plain thing. “I’m here and we’ll get through this together.” Panic can feel very isolating, Goddard-Hill says, and simply sitting together helps.
You don’t need to do all of it, either. YoungMinds says you are not meant to work through a list every time. Find the one or two that suit your kid.
After it passes
They will probably be wiped out. That is normal. Once things settle, YoungMinds suggests reminding them the feeling did not last forever and that they did things that helped. It is a bit of evidence for next time.
Later, in a calm moment, it is worth a proper chat about what it felt like and what might have set it off. YoungMinds suggests letting them know their feelings make sense rather than rushing to fix them, and it flags the basics: sleep, food, water, some movement, time with people they like. For teenagers, cutting back on caffeine and alcohol can help too, because both can trigger the physical symptoms. That includes energy drinks. Rohan has views on this. They are wrong.
Goddard-Hill also has a line for parents: be kind to yourself. It is upsetting to watch, and you may need some support afterwards, or at least a quiet cup of tea. On one Mumsnet thread a mum said typing out her post mid crisis had brought her own heart rate down. Sounds about right.
When to get more help
Plenty of worries fade with time and reassurance. The NHS says it is worth getting professional help if your child is constantly anxious and it is getting worse or not better, self help is not working, or it is affecting school, family life or friendships.
Start with the GP. You can go together, on your own, or your teen may be able to see the GP without you. If the GP thinks it could be an anxiety disorder, they may refer your child to children and young people’s mental health services, known as CYPMHS (a lot of people still say CAMHS). Treatments include counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy. Anxiety medicines are usually only prescribed by specialists, and only if it is severe or talking therapy has not helped.
If your teen does not want to see a doctor, the NHS says they may be able to go straight to a local youth counselling service, which you can find through Youth Access. On one Mumsnet thread about a Year 11 lad with chest pains (the GP found nothing physically wrong), a reply pointed his mum to a free local counselling charity for young people. She had emailed them by teatime.
Tell the school as well, ideally after asking your teen who they would be comfortable with you talking to. YoungMinds says pastoral teams can often offer support and mentoring. One Mumsnet parent described her son’s school giving him a card he could show in any lesson to leave for the pastoral office. Just having it was enough, she said. He had used it once in three terms.
Numbers worth saving in your phone:
- YoungMinds Parents Helpline: 0808 802 5544
- No Panic: recorded breathing exercise on 01952 680835, day or night, and a helpline on 0300 772 9844
- Childline: 0800 1111, for your teen to call if they are under 19 (it will not show on the phone bill)
- Samaritans: 116 123
- NHS 111: in England, call 111 and choose the mental health option, or use 111 online
- 999 or A&E: if someone’s life is at risk or they cannot keep themselves safe
And the next one
There might be another one. Probably will be, if I am honest. On the threads I read, the parents who sounded steadiest were not the ones who had fixed it. They just knew roughly what to do now, and had stopped expecting to get it perfect.
Put the kettle on afterwards, though. It still has its uses.
Sources: Netmums: 5 things to say if your teenager is having a panic attack (Emma Elms, 14 October 2026), NHS: Panic disorder, NHS: Anxiety disorders in children, NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health, YoungMinds: Anxiety guide for parents, World Health Organization: Mental health of adolescents, Youth Access, No Panic, Childline, Samaritans.
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